I smoke. My wife smokes. My parents smoked, their parents smoked- who knows how far and wide it goes. I’ve tried a lot of different things in my life, and I’ve lived through twice as many bad things as I’ve tried. I try to keep things real simple nowadays. I don’t do drugs and I don’t drink. I’m watching my diet and I’m trying to be a good husband. Considering the last 30 years, I’d say good times outnumber the bad, but I’ve walked some rough paths. I don’t feel guilty, for a moment, that the only ’sin’ I commit now is being a smoker. Until I meet someone who has walked my 30 years in my shoes, I don’t pay heed to people telling me to quit. I’m not a moron- I know what smoking does and all the debatable myths about 2nd hand smoke. It’s just something I got caught up in. It’s something I will have to work out on my own.

What bothers me the most is how hypocritical people are about their substance abuse. Sure, most of you aren’t snorting cocaine off of stripper’s tits on the weekends, or shooting up in the morning to take the edge off for that staff meeting. But one thing nearly everyone around me does is drink. I’m not the guy to tell you not to. And you shouldn’t be the one to tell me not to smoke. I don’t need this an excuse to feel better about my bad habit; it’s about time you stopped using me as a crutch for yours.

The science is indisputable. Alcohol is actually worse than some narcotics, and certainly worse than tobacco. Crazy talk? Going to throw me the old line about you having a beer doesn’t affect the guy next to you like my smoking does? I call bullshit on you, my friend. Let’s use that train of thought, and rationally analyze the science. Three factors determine the harm associated with any drug: the physical harm to the user, the drug’s potential for addiction, and the impact on society of drug use. This is how scientists have narrowed down that real dangers of said drugs for years, and logistically defined how we should interpret the results in the world we live in. And the results would surprise you, righteous drinker.

Research finds that alcohol and tobacco are more dangerous than some illegal drugs like marijuana or ecstasy and should be classified as such in legal systems. Alcohol and tobacco, in fact, are among the top 10 most dangerous substances. Heroin and cocaine are ranked most dangerous, followed by barbiturates and street methadone. Alcohol was the fifth most harmful drug and tobacco the ninth most harmful. That’s right- if the laws were passed in order of severity to protect us from substances, you would see me smoking after prohibition came back. We would see potheads enjoying a good toke long after, but that’s a different topic.

Alcohol is blamed for more than half of all visits to hospital emergency rooms, damaging families and occupying police services’ time. No wonder, considering 20 percent of alcohol is absorbed through stomach, and most of the rest is absorbed through the small intestine. Alcohol molecules are carried through the bloodstream and come into contact with the cells of virtually all the organs. Again, I’m not standing up for smoking here, we all know what it can do to your body. What you may not realize, is even that consistent wine with dinner or beer afterwards leads to all the bad things alcohol is doing to you too: heart disease, stroke, dementia and brain damage, myopathy (weakening of the muscles), shrivelled sex organs; and cancers related to alcohol- including those of the liver, colon, rectum and breast cancer in women. Existing conditions not caused my alcohol are made worse by even the most casual consumption; the short term effects of the old ‘doctor recommended’ glass of wine a day are cute, but in the end dangerous.

The point is, drinking is no better than smoking. I didn’t list these things to freak you out, but rather to help you realize how simialr drinking is to smoking, and how silly you sound when you tell me not to smoke while grabbing a beer from the fridge. Our bodies were not meant for either. Everyone is different, and there are so many factors to consider. We’ve all seen 100 year old geezers who swear smokes and drinks kept them alive! What’s really true in the end: this world is insane, and it doesn’t necessarily hurt having something to get you through. Some people like their tobacco, while others like that beer during the game. These are both drugs I would argue to be equally as harmful to the user. Something will kill you eventually, whether you enjoy these evils or not.

If you feel singled out reading this, don’t. Many of my friends fit into the category of drinker / non-smoker. It’s OK. I know we all need that little something. All I’m saying is judge not, lest ye be judged, you know? When people tell me not to smoke, they say it’s because they care. I believe them! I just wanted you all to know, I care too- we’re not so different, my friends.

Filed under: Friends and Family, Society, Speak Easy