Low in guilt, high in protein, and definitely cool… I am in the firm belief that sushi is perhaps more popular in America today than ever before. It was my old friend Rich who first introduced me to actually eating sushi- and I have never been one to shy away from trying anything once- and ever since I’ve been hooked. It might very well be my favorite dish, and knowing many of my readers out there it’s probably high on your lists too.

Despite the frequency we try to dine out on sushi, one thing I have noticed is our overall ignorance about the food itself. I have lovingly researched and stolen confirmed truths about sushi do’s and don’t’s- what is rude and what is proper- and learned quite a bit. You can and most defintelty will eat sushi however you choose, but knowledge is power- and while embracing different cultures is nice, respecting culture is class, baby. so let’s talk about sushi!

Quick History & Background

Vinegared rice topped or combined with items such as raw fish, shellfish, or thin strips of egg is called sushi. Served in restaurants and sold at supermarkets and take-out shops, sushi can also be prepared at home. There are many regional varieties. The idea for sushi was introduced from China in the Yayoi period (ca 300 BCE - ca AD 300) as a method of preserving fish by fermentation. However, it was not until the early nineteenth century, in Edo (now Tokyo), that fresh raw fish was served on freshly cooked vinegared rice. The original types of sushi were called nigirizushi (握り寿司 にぎりずし hand-pressed sushi) or edomaezushi (江戸前寿司 えどまえずし). Today there are also variations of sushi called makizushi (巻き寿司 まきずし rolled sushi), chirashizushi (ちらし寿司 ちらしずし “scattered” sushi), oshizushi (押し寿司 おしずし pressed sushi), and each area of Japan has its own variation of sushi.

Sushi usually has the image of being high-priced, but recently, families and young people have begun to enjoy kaitenzushi (回転寿司 かいてんずし) restaurants where the sushi is served on a rotating counter, and customers pick what they want; the bill is determined by the number of sushi consumed.

What Are They Shouting?

It’s quite the hep thing now. Utter the words “Oooh, I’m totally craving sushi,” and suddenly you’ve got an exotic palate. You’ve tried raw fish, and you liked it. You’re ooh la la cosmopolitan. You are it, baby. Yeah, right. Whatever.

I certainly do love a luscious slice of o-toro, but I am still what you would call a novice. For we should know by now that practice makes perfect when you’re playing with a joystiq, but eating and drinking, especially sushi, is a whole different ballgame.

You may wonder what the sushi chefs and servers are shouting when you walk in the door. It’s “Ira shai masse!” which means, “Chicken of the sea!” But if you’re really smart, you’ll know that “ira shai masse” is a warm, hearty welcome that really means something like “May I help you?” And no, you don’t have to answer back- more often than not doing so just makes you a jackass. sit down and get to ordering!

Omakase - Not a Contestant on the Apprentice

We’ve already figured out what they’re shouting when you walk into a sushi bar – “Irasshaimase!” which is basically a warm, hearty welcome greeting. You head to the sushi bar, slide into a seat, hopefully right smack in front of a chef. Now what? Will you order sushi combination no.1 or no.2, will you order a la carte, or will you order…omakase?

“Omakase” loosely translates in English to “trust.” In the context of a sushi bar, it is the equivalent of the chef’s tasting menu, meaning you will be putting the trust of your tastebuds in the hands of the chef.

I was always shy and nervous about omakase, partly because I’m a control freak, and partly because I thought omakase meant the chef would be giving me weird things like monkfish liver (which is actually not that weird) or octopus brains (which would be weird – do octopi have brains?). However, omakase really does lead to the best sushi experience you could have in the restaurant that night, because the chef is picking out the freshest, tastiest thing for you to try.

Not all of us are gazillionaires able to afford the $250 per person omakase-only meal at Urasawa in Beverly Hills (and that’s for the food only; add some sake, tax and tip, and the date you’re trying to impress will cost you four figures!). But there are options. They’re not cheap, mind you, for this is raw fish after all, but it definitely won’t require a winning lottery ticket.

But these aren’t the only choices. Almost every sushi chef now will put together an omakase menu for you. All you have to do is ask. And trust.

Sushi vs. Sashimi

If you don’t know the difference between sushi and sashimi, where the hell have you been living for the past 10 years?!? Well it’s time to move to the big city, country mouse, and replace that cheddar with some raw fish with vinegared rice.

Though we use the word “sushi” to refer to all the delicious stuff that is delivered to our wooden board at the sushi bar, the whole cuisine of fish, rice and otherwise, the word “sushi” actually refers to only the sweet, vinegared rice. Sometimes we do better and say “sushi” when referring to the pair of tiny rounded bricks of rice with slivers of fish draped over it. But that is more accurately called “nigiri sushi.” If it’s just fish without the sushi rice, then it’s “sashimi.”

Rolls are becoming increasingly popular – in essence, a sheet of nori (seaweed) with a layer of rice, fish and perhaps some other stuff, rolled into a cylinder then cut into pieces. Rolls are “maki sushi.” Don’t get me started on the latest breed of creative sushi rolls. I could write a dissertation on how I feel about California Rolls alone.

Since I mentioned the California Roll, I’ll mention that these type of rolls with rice on the outside, are called “yukiwa-maki.” And as long as we’re getting technical, hand rolls are called “temaki sushi.” But don’t say these out loud. With the way things are in sushi bars now with whole rolls tempura-fried, smoked salmon, cream cheese and the Rainbow roll, you might give the sushi chef a heart attack for knowing such fancy words.

Wet Nap Included

The servers bring steaming hot towels when we first sit down at the sushi bar, and though I am for some reason, always tempted to lean back in my chair and lay the towel over my face to relax just a little, I don’t. This isn’t Burke-Williams.

I do what normal people do and wipe my hands, fold the towel back neatly and leave it there, just below my water glass for easy access. That’s right, easy access. Because if you’re sushi-smooth, then you know that you can eat the nigiri sushi (the mounds of rice with sliced fish on top, as opposed to sashimi) with your fingers, wiping them every once in a while on your towel. Just look at what the September issue of Food and Wine magazine sketches out.

Don’t be afraid to do it. You might get some horror-stricken looks from the noobs sitting near you, but you and the sushi chef can just share a knowing smile. Licking your fingers clean, though? I’m not so sure about that.

Soy Sauce Dunkin’ Don’t

My natural instinct when I sidle up to the sushi bar is to pour a long, loving stream of soysauce into the shoyu sara – the small dish designed specifically for that purpose. I picked this up by watching retards around me do it at sushi joints for years - You may want to pick up a piece of sushi (with your fingers, since that’s okay) and plunge the entire little salmon submarine into that deep brown briny sea, to emerge with the fish dripping dark and every grain of rice soaked through with soy sauce. Salty.

And the sushi chef would keel over right before your very eyes.

The point of sushi is how well the chef seasons the rice with vinegar, sugar, and salt. It’s also the natural flavor and texture of raw fish. And finally, it’s the subtle balance of these two fairly delicate flavors. Drowning sushi in soysauce not only throws off the balance, it kills it completely.

The best thing to do is to pour but a tiny puddle of soysauce in the shoyu sara. Dip, don’t dunk, the sushi in it fish side down, so you maintain the integrity of the rice. And if you’re all fancy like that, you can take a piece of ginger, dip it into the soy sauce, and use it as a brush to “paint” soysauce atop the fish.

What’s Up? Wasabi!

There’s a tiny scoop of green on the corner of the plate. If your friends thought it funny on your virgin trip to the sushi bar, they told you it was green tea ice cream, which you greedily snatched up and popped in your mouth, only to have your face turn 14 shades of purple as you breathed fire before gulping down an entire large bottle of Asahi in one shot. It wasn’t green tea ice cream; it was wasabi. Ha ha funny funny.

Why sushi bars give you that extra wasabi is odd, since supposedly, you’re not really supposed to add any more to your sushi, i.e. your shoyu in the sara should stay dark brown, not army green camo. The chef has added the perfect amount for whatever flavor fish it is. I guess it’s kind of like dipping a piece of your filet mignon at Morton’s in A-1.

As much of a heat-freak as I am (spicy), I usually don’t use much wasabi at sushi bars, simply because I love the taste and smell of the fish. Then again, there’s something painfully pleasurable about that burn, leaning my head back, holding my nose, with tears in my eyes…

Now we know that sometimes the burn hurts so good and sometimes, you might give the sushi chef a heart attack by adding too much wasabi to your shoyu. If you’re a purist, less is more. If you’re crazy, well, you’re crazy. There will never be a right nor wrong when it comes to how much wasabi – it’s completely subject to taste- but you don’t appear to love sushi if you’re making mud.

Quality of wasabi, though, is not so subjective. Most of us are accustomed to the wasabi paste made from mixing water with a powder, that might even have green food coloring added to it! However, the best sushi bars will have fresh wasabi flown in from Japan. It is a subtle green root that looks like the unwanted alien love child of gingerroot, regular horseradish, and an anorexic pineapple. Finely grated, and with no other additives, it has a much gentler taste than the powder-paste.

Fresh wasabi can go for almost $100/pound, which makes me wonder why I shouldn’t just grow the stuff myself and peddle it to the local sushi bars - I might be an American wasabi millionaire in 2007.

One Big Bite

You’ve been greeted at the door. You’ve sidled up to the bar and cleaned your hands. Perhaps you’ve prepared your shoyu with wasabi, or maybe you’re going to free-(rice)ball it. Either way, you’ve gingerly dipped your nigiri sushi, fish side down in the shoyu and now, little grasshoppa, you are ready. The time has come. You are ready to eat your sushi.

You must eat the whole thing in one bite.

That’s right, turn that sucker over so your tongue can taste the fish first, and eat the entire thing all at once. Shoving a whole piece in your mouth just too much? It’s okay to bite the sushi in half, but hold onto that second half while you finish your first bite. It’s considered rude to put a half-eaten piece back on your plate. (even more rude than making a wasabi/soy swimming pool to kill what the chef lovingly made for you!)

Now you know it all as I know it to be true, and I will vouch for the validity of my sources- don’t listen to those who tell you otherwise. I will leave it up to you all to eat with class, and learn to love sushi the right way. For those of you too closed minded and chicken shit to try sushi- get over it! Sushi is healthy and delicious- and one of the most fresh and naturual foods you can eat!

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